Progress not perfection.

I feel as if there is a fine line in trying to be productive and actually being productive. I recently woke up from a nap because that’s what people in my situation do rather frequently (If they don’t then I obviously haven’t got the memo yet.) I’m sitting here thinking of a topic to write on because my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. Lo and behold I look for outside help in kick starting something inside of me that is dying to escape from my inner self. Knowledge is meant to be shared and if I can reach at least one person then I have successfully done my job.

I mentioned this before in one of my previous posts, but I rarely reached out for help during my earlier attempts at recovery. I would set myself up with solid contacts in people that I could call if shit went south but I would never act on those safety nets I had set up. What it really came down to each and every time though was my desire to get loaded on heroin was stronger than wanting to stay clean.

Contrary action that I’m exhibiting today is I am actually reaching out to my sober support network of people that I have developed relationships with. Even people that I rarely talk to or see still have lent a helping hand when needed. That’s the luxury of this program; people are always there for you regardless but only if you let them be. The rooms of A.A. are the only place where the Harvard graduate has something in common with a parole that has spent the last 10 years in prison. We come from all walks of life and this bond we have is stronger than anything.

What I am trying to get at is the cliché ‘progress not perfection,’ is a way of life that should be respected in all aspects of life. Love. Purity. Honesty. Selflessness. Absolutes of all are nearly unattainable but striving to be perfect in all of them is something to be said.

In the beginning of my attempt to get clean and sober, I isolated myself from everyone and didn’t reach out to anyone in the meetings. Little did I know, going to the meetings was the first step to the progress that I would later become aware of. Slowly but surely every time I came back to the rooms after a relapse, people would notice. They put themselves out there for me to take advantage of. Did I? Nope.

However, I did start noticing a change in my behavior. I started surrounding myself with people with good recovery. We are told to not judge people in the rooms of A.A. and then five minutes later we are told to stick with the ‘Winners.’

I kept taking chances and the progress I was making was that I went from isolation to actually engaging with everyone. I hold the greeter commitment at three of my meetings which allows me to meet everyone that comes into the meeting. Would I have done this when I first came into the rooms? Probably not. Yet I am doing something today that I wasn’t doing when I first got here. I progressed to where I am at over time. I am far from perfect in doing this but I strive to be.

Perfection implies an end of something. There is no gray area with perfection; only black and white. All or nothing; so to speak. If perfection is my ultimatum then I will most likely never be satisfied. Frustration will always win and the result will be me giving up. The other possibility is that I do actually reach perfection but then become stagnate; complacency is a huge red flag indicator in recovery.

Progress, however, is a different mentality. It implies a process and everything in this world becomes what it is through a process; regardless of what it is. It focuses on the now and not the future. I see progress as celebrating small victories in a large scale war that can never be won. And every victory, whether small or big, is huge for me in my recovery.

I accept imperfection as a way to strive for perfection. I know it will never be attainable and if I do attain it then I must be doing something wrong.