My opinion might kill you.

I’ve been asked multiple times why I am so open about my heroin addiction. I have only one answer for this question and that is because what I might say could possibly save another person’s life. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings have given me the opportunity to listen to countless stories about someone’s experience through their active addiction and recovery process; the most important word being ‘experience’.

I talk to or try to talk to my sponsor at least once a day. During the beginning of our relationship I noticed something about the things he would say when I asked him certain questions. At times he was full of knowledge and wisdom and truth be told, wouldn’t shut up. However, there were also times where he had nothing to say. Eventually I asked him why he would rarely shed light on a topic that he hadn’t experienced. He said, “All I can offer you is my experience. My opinion might kill you.”

That statement resonated with me ten-fold. It took me a few seconds to take in exactly what he meant by this but something inside of me lit up. Telling someone what the outcome might be based on personal opinion is just that; opinion. Subjective as they most are, if I don’t have experience with something then the truth that I know may not be in the cards for the person I am projecting it to. This might also be the case with my experience; however, time and time again the same consequences have been apparent in most addicts’ lives that I’ve come in contact with.

My addiction is such a big part of my life that it takes more energy to hide it than to be open about it. I’d rather you know where I am coming from instead of hiding something that reigns significance in my life. Ever since I’ve bombarded Facebook with my posts about my recovery process, people who I have not seen or talked to in years have messaged me in private. Most people congratulate me on what I am attempting to accomplish but there are some too who reach out to me for help or let it be known they have faced the same struggles. This unspoken bond that we addicts have is unexplainable. I sympathize with people who have walked the same path that I am walking. I empathize for those that need to walk through their own path to get to where they need to get.

Think about this. Almost all addicts suppress their feelings and emotions. I’m unmanageable over my feelings and emotions. An emotion is two or more feelings occurring simultaneously. A feeling is just a feeling. Yet these have been the main benefactor that contributed to my using. I’ve developed a desire to express as much as possible with selfish intention and in the process have touched the lives of other people at the same time. So was it really selfish? A.A. has told me that this is a ‘We’ program but in the beginning a very selfish one. I’d like to think that I am crossing this threshold that I once thought was never possible and would never reach. One day at a time.