Forgiveness is a trait of the strong...

It feels great. It feels amazing. This feeling of accomplishment is saturated with so much failure that I never thought I would be at this point in my life. Do I still struggle? Yes. It's not easy - it never is and never will be. However, today is different. I no longer use heroin as a coping mechanism. I no longer compound more problems stemming from my one original problem that I would otherwise turn to heroin to deal with. I reach out to people today. I make sure I am held accountable. I use the tools that I have been so greatly given by others who have done it before me. 

I am my only obstacle today and I finally see that. I always wanted to blame the ugly step-sister heroin as my obstacle but in reality it was always my choice to turn to it. It was always my decision to use it as a coping mechanism; no one forced a needle in my arm. I did harm to myself by creating obstacle after obstacle and then using those obstacles as a reason to use. Instead of immediately turning to heroin when I see something that is perceived to be unmanageable - I look for ways to conquer that obstacle and choose the best option to overcome it. 

Sobriety is a life-long marathon; and remembering that slow and steady wins the race. Instant gratification is a common theme among addicts and it is especially for me. I want the remedy to all of my problems as soon as they crop up but I now know nothing is ever immediate. Every thing worth while takes careful planning and consideration. Impulsive decisions impulsively put a needle in my arm. I know that today and before I didn't.

I love the fact that I am so much mentally stronger today. I have an entirely different mindset. I don't know why certain thoughts come to my head but I see nothing but positive affirmations in every decision I make today. People enjoy being around me because I stay positive regardless of the situation.

How is someone like me so positive when I have experienced so much failure and regret? I do it by knowing that heroin will put me in my grave. I do not know how I am alive today. Somehow, someway I'm still here today able to write this. Who knows what is working in my life but I know I am not willing to change it.