Do something nice for someone today...

I was reading an article on ESPN this morning and it was stating that people love to see great people fail. Reading that really rubbed me the wrong way because I never want to see people fail no matter who they are. I want all people to succeed no matter what except when they are playing the Seahawks.

Joking aside, I don't really know why people are so negative in nature. It's almost as envy or jealousy (deadly sins that they are) drives people to be someone who deep down they really aren't. Addiction to me is one of the worst things someone can go through having experienced it first hand - and it's something I would never wish upon my worst enemy.

No one deserves to fail. No one should ever be expected to fail - and definitely not wished upon to fail either. Failure drives people forward, yes - but hoping someone fails because you merely are jealous of them is such a selfish thing. Selfishness alone (usually driven by greed) is why we as a people are in the position that we are in.

I believe change happens when you actually start taking action towards it. Anyone can say they are going to change to look good to people around them. Trust me, I've done it time and time again. But in reality, change is an action - and the only thing constant in this universe.

I've always told my family, my close friends that I am going to change my behavior. And did I? Nope. Not because I didn't want to but because my eagerness to use heroin was greater than my willingness to change. I didn't want to change because I knew if I did then my only coping mechanism I knew at the time would be eliminated or taken away from my life.

Change is one of the most difficult things to do especially when it has been a way of life for so long. Using heroin was my way of life and changing that habit started with a decision. I decided I was ready to get clean and live a much more quality of life.

I wanted to change for so long but I never had the perseverance to stick to my commitment. Being stuck in the rabbit hole didn't allow me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was so far down it that all I saw was a dark, empty space around me. And that environment didn't allow me to see that I was able to change.

As each day I remain sober passes, I find it much easier to stray my thinking away from heroin. I'll be honest - there are times where I think it would be nice to escape for a short while. But then I play the tape through and realize that short while turns into an eternity. No matter what with heroin, one time leads to an all the time thing for me.