Never lose hope...

I've been sitting here staring at my screen for hours attempting to come up with something to write about. I think I put too much emphasis on how I write rather than what I write. I don't know why that is but I've found myself at a loss for words and that is a rare occasion. I guess I'm just in a difficult place right now mentally and writing is an escape for me because it lets me process my thoughts. Staying inside my head is definitely a red-flag indicator but it's not necessarily horrifying to me at this point because as long as I recognize it I can combat it.

Writing for me is a way to release what I'm feeling because I have a hard time sharing to other people exactly what I feel or why I feel that way. I guess you could say it has been a defense mechanism since my latter days of childhood. I don't like letting people inside my inner circle and even if you are in my inner circle I still don't fully let you in. I guess it comes down to a trust benefactor. I understand trust and communication are two main keys to relationships and without either then the relationship eventually falls to its demise.

When you make sobriety your number one priority everything has the ability to fall into place. However, you must take the next step in making them fall into place because without action then nothing can come to fruition. Sobriety to me has been much easier this time around because I've been ready to stay away from heroin. I've been ready to live a life free from drugs. Getting out of the rabbit hole was the most difficult process but now that I'm out it's been much satisfying to know I don't ever want to go back down.

Recently patience has been huge for me. I've never been a huge fan of patience because when I want something I wanted it yesterday. I don't like having to wait for things and I don't necessarily like having to work for them either. Don't get me wrong I am a very hard worker when I see value in doing so. I think that is my problem, though, as I don't put value into too many things today. I see everything as an investment. I'll put my all into something I see with long-term dividends but if I see the rewards dwindle or dwindling in the near future I eventually cease my energy towards that particular thing. Sobriety gets my full attention today and the moment I stray my attention away from it is the moment I should be worried. Today I'm not worried.