Sometimes I ponder about my past thinking about how I could have made a better decision or if the decision I made was the right choice. I won't lie to you - I haven't always made the best decisions but with each wrong decision comes knowledge to make the right decision should I be put in a similar situation. Life has its struggles and my life up to this point and been a huge struggle. The main benefactor for that struggle has been myself.
I've been my biggest obstacle and I've always failed to realize that up until today. Everything seemed so fruitless in my life because I've always blamed circumstances or other people for my failures. It was never my fault. Today I see my part in things and it makes me feel blessed to feel this way. I've pushed people away because of MY actions and people have pushed me away as well. I always blamed them for them for not being compassionate enough or being there for me when I needed them to be. Little did I know, I was by no means compassionate to them nor was I ever there for them.
I can only get back what I give to other people. I can't expect people to act a certain way when I myself aren't doing the things I'm expecting in return. It's funny that I see this now but I failed to see it then. Life experience whether good or bad has been my biggest ally - it's hard to others perspective until I am in their shoes. I can try my hardest to hypothetically see things from their perspective but it just never comes to fruition.
Today I don't need to do that because if I just be me then it won't have to be like that. Putting on a facade of someone I'm not is a very difficult thing to do but to be honest I was never comfortable with being me. I never wanted to be the person in my shoes. I don't mind being in my shoes today because I am acting as a person that I can be proud of; and in turn hopefully someone that my family and friends can be proud of to.
My life has changed for the better and I hope I can share my experience with others so they don't have to experience the things I did. Sometimes finding out the hard way is what's best for people and it definitely was for me at times. But it doesn't have to get to the point where it got with me - it can and will but it doesn't have to end up like that. We all have a choice and today I know I have the tools to make the right choice - and I will.
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